Since the past month or so, I've been feeling like i've taken a backseat in my own life
I'm been passively building & actively consuming; consuming other people's lives through Twitter, Insta, etc, and just comparing myself with them
I made close to $50k last 2 weeks, yes, but that's meaningless
In comparison to my exit, it doesn't matter
I've ghosted so many important people, opportunities. Some people may consider these life changing
I installed Hinge for validation, got validation, and started resenting it. It's just a meaningless number
I feel whatever I do, I'll never be good enough
With people it's a constant performance.
i just cannot perform anymore. my battery to put up a facade is dead. Every time i speak to somebody, I have to speak in a certain manner and say certain things for them to keep liking me or at least for me to try to make them like me.
I need to put up a certain image of myself.
Yes of course, that's a very basic thing, and i'm whining like a little bitch but i just can't.
I'm too tired. I see all these people, all my friends who are doing fantastic, and i just feel so shit about myself.