Feeling guilty for not working while what you are doing is arguably more "fun" is such a weird feeling
To give some context:
I decided to take some time off from 11th July onwards. I was in Bangalore previously, then I came back to Delhi
I was feeling my seasonal depression, cyclical
I had absolutely no energy to speak to anyone, no energy to interact with anyone. I ghosted almost everyone professionally. As it is, I don't have friends, to be very honest.
All I wanted to do was just escape
A cut forward around three weeks. All I've done is earn some money and completely distance myself from work. Like, no work thing at all
I did some experiments in the first week of coming back. I tried creating my own harness. I tried to create a bot to help guide me towards “self-actualization”, started creating a better version of my previous project, whoburnedmore (prev built w a friend), etc
But I won't classify this as working, to be very honest
Anyway, then something or the other happened, and I stopped working completely
I got distracted by things such as:
- me wanting to get a tattoo
- accessories to buy for myself
- me wanting to go to Chennai impulsively (to meet the PE Fund + some fun)
Though I kept noticing that there was so much of my to-do list that I just kept delaying, and I kept focusing on other things
For a week, I think I focused more on certain things than I should’ve, especially around my birthday
I'm not saying that this distraction was not useful for me as a person. Obviously, no time is ever wasted, in my opinion
I learnt a lot of things, be it "useless things," but things none the less
But today something just struck me. I saw one of my friends' Instagram stories, and I owe it to him in this regard
Now, today I was like, "Dude, what the fuck am I doing with my life? This is not what excites me."
So I finally just got rid of all distractions, blocked some people on some platforms, and now I'll just get back to work again today
I feel mediocre. it's fine to feel mediocre. I hope they get better
Fuck, man, I promised my investors I won't write an emo blog 😭 (I had to take my previous one down cause it was too emo lol)
Btw, I’m getting this tattoo today:
Also, doesn’t this case look hella cute:
