It’s 4:21 AM, I just got off the call with someone I know I’ve hurt, yet they kept coming back to me
I’ve been making them cry almost every other night for three years, for one reason or the other
I wanted to talk to them for attention, they wanted to talk to me for my attention
All while I listen to Paro on loop, my new obsession, vicariously breathing in the hurt, the pain
Humans suck, human connection sucks
The more you long for someone, the more you care for them, the more power you give them. Power to hurt you, consciously or subconsciously
Power to mess up your life
I’ve never fallen in “love”, but oh boy, do I feel deathly scared of falling in “love” one day
One day, when I surrender, and give in to the pain
Yet surprisingly, the hurt is what makes us keep coming back, what makes me coming back
Without the thorns, there is no careful adoration of the rose
Without the bitter, there is no realisation of sweet
Without the scars, there is no, you
p.s. i listen to misery porn to bring my baselines down: Link (when i’m genuinely sad) & Link (simulate love)